Serenity Prayers

Hi Everyone, This is Sibyl,

In AA and other 12 Step programs, the
Serenity Prayer is "God, Grant me the
Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot Change;
The Courage to Change the Things I Can; and,
the Wisdom to Know the Difference." I find
myself saying this prayer twenty times a day
in the role of Caregiver. What an awesomely
powerless role this is.

Stephi had the repeat Bone Marrow Biopsy yesterday.
She did well, with a hefty assist from Morphine and
Oxycodine. She was exhausted when we got home
but before she could get to bed, another quixotic
situation at Ken's rehab hospital exploded. She was
on the phone for the rest of the day, and, even though
her immune system is compromised, she will attend
a meeting at the rehab hospital today to challenge
Medicare and the Rehab Hospital's policy. I guess
this situation.. this marital dance..will continue no
matter what her health is. She will not protect herself.
Family dynamics are what they are, and this
is her choice.

I plan to continue the current duties I have accepted,
and when she is too weak to continue to put herself
in harm's way, I will be her nurse. There is a journal
behind the blog, and I am observing everything.
Perhaps I can make some sense of this through writing.
I am not going to drink or eat over it. I love my sister,
but, as my life coach and my sponsor keep reminding me,
I have to mind my own words to stay sane.

On Wednesday, we are meeting at the KU Cancer Center
to sign the Consent forms and get the supply of injections
to be administered over the next five days that will
stimulate stem cell growth. On Friday, a stent will be
inserted into her shoulder that will allow the extraction
of stem cells until enough have been harvested for the
transplant. We are getting close to the nitty-gritty of it all.

He who learns must suffer
And even in our sleep
Pain that cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart
Until
Against our will, in our own despair
Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.
-Aeschylus

Love,
Sib

PS I wrote the above at 3 AM. It is now 10 AM
and I woke Stephi. She received a call in the
middle of the night from the hospital staff.
During the night, Ken fell at the Rehab Hospital
and was pretty banged up. The Medicare meeting
is this morning in an hour. Ken really wants to
stay where he is until he can walk with a cane
rather than a walker. Stay tuned.